Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Top Ten Reasons I Hate Sex and the City

10. Shoes – seriously, I wouldn’t listen to a discussion with my own friends about expensive shoes for more than a courtesy breadth.

9. The Short Haired Red Head – She’s the dowdy one therefore more business minded. How does this not piss more people off?

8. Charlotte – I know this one’s name because it fits her doughy eyed character. She’s been living in New York long enough, she should be more jaded.

7. The Old Whore- The cougar character is fine for a movie, but as a serial character it’s just an old whore. Blanche Deverogh kicks this character’s ass, hard. Ya know why? She didn’t do sex scenes.

6. The Sets – Friends was over the top with their apartment, and then the Sex and the City designers were like, ya know what? Let’s just go WAY over the top! We’re so fucking awesomely extravagant.

5. The Clothes – Ok, she’s in a fucking ballerina outfit in the beginning, and she means to wear it out. There are GIANT flowers on her outfits:

A. Those are $60!

B. If this was a fatter woman you saw on a Manhattan street, you’d think she was someone who speaks to trash cans.

4. Squint and Laughs – There are a lot of fucking phony ass laughing moments that start with a knowing or condescending squint and then chuckle.

3. The Dialogue – Female dialogue written by gay men. I said it. Yes, women discuss sex, but we don’t do the same as gay men, and I think it’s just painfully obvious.

2. Drinks – The alcohol they consume and the places they chose are beat you over the head prissy.

1. Sarah Jessica Parkwhore

important editorial note:

I know a lot of you TV Junkies love Sex and the City though, and I just want you to know, I do blame you.

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